As we stand
by quitelikethis
Summary: Emma Pillsbury's own confusions lead her to think about everything in her life right now as well as the past and the decisions she has made.
1. When we first met

**Hey! **

**Welcome to reading my first chapter of my first fanfiction EVER. I've never done this before so this is kind of a try-out for me, to see if I suck at writing or not. I have an idea of where I'm going with this, not entirely sure yet, though. Please review and let me know if I totally suck at it or not!**

**Thank you!**

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She stood there, taking another look in the mirror. She had taken many looks into the same mirror already for the past – gosh, she didn't even know how long she had been standing there already – but she felt like it had been hours. After noticing the time on the clock she noticed it actually _had _been hours. Another five minutes had past, another five minutes gone to waste by being insecure and by trying to sum up every flaw she saw in herself. She thought she was a somewhat pretty woman, but she had huge eyes. Freakishly huge, to her own feelings, but others stated it made her stand out and she was so cute with it. Her body was skinny and she felt a little too flat in some places but she knew that she was not too skinny. She just yearned for some more curves from time to time, like Victoria's Secret models. Then, her hair, being red. A beautiful bright red with shades that made it look like a brownish red at times, depending on how the light fell on it. Another thing that made her stand out -another thing, which made people think she was a beautiful woman, another thing for her to be noticed again. If Emma Pillsbury hadn't been such an anxious, controlling person about herself she wouldn't have minded any of her futures_ or_ being noticed but unfortunately, she was. It was why she had been looking in the mirror for the past hours, it was the reason why she had been alone for the biggest part of her life and it was the reason why she had been so messed up tonight. All of this and because of her own feelings she tried to deny and accept.

She sat down on the stool in front of the mirror and put her hands in her hair, shaking it a little. The truth was, Emma was a little confused and couldn't help but drifting off in thoughts the last few hours. She had always been a little confused in her life and it had only gotten worse thanks to a particular man going by the name of Will Schuester. Emma had fallen for him the same day she met him and it hit her like a train she could not ever possibly have seen coming.

She had met him two years ago, after she had moved from a little town called Grundy in Virginia, to start a life of her own. She had gotten a job as a guidance counselor – of which she still sometimes hesitated to be her best career choice given her OCD, Mysophobia and lack of life experience – at William McKinley High School. She had first seen him as they both pulled out in the parking lot that morning, both way too early to be in school already. She had seen him walk into the school and she followed him inside. The moment she had seen him from a distance she thought he had something special, she didn't know what, but she thought he had it. Then, when she finally got inside she went to the toilet to freshen up and the door got stuck in its lock. She screamed out for help and there he was – helping her when he heard a scream come from the girls' restroom. Emma could have died at that moment, the germs were attacking her in her mind and she was a little claustrophobic too. When he opened that door it felt like he saved her life as her tears ran down from her eyes running straight for the sink and grabbing a mini-bottle of Purell from her pocket. He looked at her as he didn't recognize her but he didn't say anything. Instead, he said ''It's alright, you're not stuck in there anymore.'' while giving her a small smile. She was so embarrassed she practically didn't want to look at him but whispered a ''Thank you'' before pulling herself together. As they both walked out the restroom he let out a slight laugh and looked at her. ''Sorry to ask but who are you?'' he asked her and she immediately nodded. ''I – I'm so sorry, you must think I'm a crazy woman. E-Emma Pillsbury, I'm the new guidance counselor here.'' She had told him and he held out his hand for her to shake it. ''No, no, don't worry about that, I'm glad I could help you, you really sounded like you felt like dying in there. I'm Will Schuester, I teach Spanish. '' She smiled at him and nodded. ''Nice to meet you, Mr. Schuester. I'm so sorry that we had to meet like that, I – erm, I rather would've met you when the Principal had announced me to the staff.'' She told him and he smiled once again, now widely. 'Gosh, his smile could light up the whole room' she caught herself thinking and blushed immediately at the thought. ''I couldn't have thought of a better meeting than this, it's a little off, but it's something else, but you're something else too. It's nice having a fresh face around my age, the average age of the staff is 50 here… You can call me Will, though. Can I call you Emma?'' She nodded and blushed a little more, being thankful the lights in the corridor weren't completely on yet. They had a little small talk which she couldn't remember what it was about right now, but he had shown her the way to her office and showed where his office was. She had joked she had felt like Belle, stuck in the castle from Beauty & the Beast in that restroom after they had learned they both loved Disney movies. She would never forget his last words, though, as they both parted to prepare for the day. ''It was nice being your knight in shining armor.''

And he had been so many times…


	2. There's a first time for everything

**_Hey!_**

**_First of all, I would like to thank everyone who reviewed my first chapter. I tried to build the chapter up a little differently than the first one. I put more paragraphs into it and tried to mix with thoughts a little as well. I hope you like this chapter as well and of course, reviews for this chapter are greatly appreciated too!_**

**_Have fun reading!_**

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_And he had been so many times…_

Emma let out a small sigh and nervously ticked her nails on the table in front of her, which she always used as a so-called make-up table. She put all of her make-up items, crèmes and hair products on it, then would be busy with trying new hairstyles or make-up on herself for hours, only to revert back to most of her known looks. She always felt somewhat insecure and as she loved to control everything she thought she couldn't handle the looks or comments if she would show up at school with her hair all curled up or heavy make-up on.

Another sigh, another 10 minutes passed, another memory of Will flashing back inside of her head.

_Stop this, Emma. _She thought to herself, knowing full well that she couldn't.

As much as she hadn't wanted to, Will Schuester had been by far more on her mind than her husband Carl. _My husband Carl. _She thought to herself as she looked down at her hands, seeing the beautiful ring on her finger. She slipped her other fingers around it and played with it, turning it a few times before she stopped and looked at her again in the mirror.

''I'm happy for you, let's just leave it at that…'' Will had told her when she broke down the news to him. She shouldn't have to feel guilty, he knew she was dating Carl and getting married was actually something spontaneous to do as well that she felt like Carl was a great man and was definite husband potential. _No, Emma, you don't have to feel guilty at all. You are crazy for sitting here in your room – all by yourself no less- thinking about how you want to apologize to Will for this. _

She tried to talk some sense into herself, to leave Will alone but she couldn't. She had to admit to herself that she didn't like the person she had become lately. It was almost as if she was hurting Will on purpose, flaunting her and Carl's ''I love you's'' in his face as a follow-up reason to why she couldn't attend Sectionals with Will. She couldn't believe that while she did this to him this year, last year, she had done _everything_ to go to Sectionals to help Will, even ruining her own wedding day. She knew she was only settling for Ken and it was terrible thing to do using him but she still feels embarrassed when she sees Ken stride over the streets somewhere and quickly hides herself not wanting to face him. To say she was relieved and heartbroken when she heard he had gotten a breakdown over the summer causing him to put in his resignation from WMHS was an understatement.

Her mind was wandering off to Will-land once again, remembering the times she had done anything for a little talk, a cute smile, an inside joke or a gaze in his beautiful brown eyes. _Boy, you were infatuated from the first day and you couldn't let go after that first conversation. _She thought to herself again and as she thought about it; she really _had_ become an expert in finding reasons or ways to get a hold of Will during school hours from the moment she had laid eyes him.

The second day at William McKinley High School had been a nightmare for Emma. As no one was aware of her OCD and mysophobia no one had bothered to tell her that students were throwing slush puppies at every new teacher or student as a 'welcome present'. Therefore, when she saw a student coming up to her with a slush puppie in his hand she just walked up to him, not expecting him to use her as a living target of ''slushie tag''. _Her world went into slow-motion mode_. The mere seconds felt like hours, seeing the blue drink fly through the air and attacking her. When the blue liquid hit her, her eyes had widened immensely and she felt as if she was suffocating causing her to nearly faint in the hallway. _Another moment Will had been her knight in shining __armor__, within the first two days of meeting him._

Will had just entered the building, spotted Emma walking in front of him and sped up his pace when he noticed one of the seniors with a grin on his face and a slushie in his hand. The damage had already been done once he had reached her and he could only catch her as she fell back in a cute kind of way, sighing when he had caught her. He had taken her to her office and as he had done the day before he had cracked a joke saying ''Belle, I think you're a basket-case.'' Emma's face had gone red from embarrassment and she just looked at him feeling terribly uncomfortable. Will noticed this and wondered if he had offended her. '' I am so sorry Emma, I didn't mean to offend you.'' he had quickly said.

It was only then she changed the look on her face, pressing her lips together and nodded. _Well, you have to tell them sometime. They will accept it more easily if you tell them now._ ''N-no, um, actually you are right. We-well not completely right but I think erm, basket-case is a way of putting it.'' Emma started to explain. Will's look had gone from smiling to regret and finally to frowning within 10 seconds. He was about to say something when Emma cut him off. ''I – I need to tell you something, it's me, I, have, kind of a problem with things…. Germs, mostly. I have OCD and mysophobia, that's why I freaked out yesterday and today. I understand if you think I'm a crazy person – because that's what I am a little – a little crazy, that is.'' she finished off. Will had looked at her and it kind of made sense to him. He sat down in the chair on the other side of her desk and smiled. ''I'm genuinely sorry, Emma, I didn't want to offend you in any way. Now, I know of your condition and I will not ever again tell you you're a basket-case. It's not your fault you have this and it must be hard enough to tell me, let alone live with it.'' She nodded and was happy he took it this way. '' You were going to notice anyway, someday.'' she replied to him and they went silent for a moment.

Emma squeezed a little in her chair and looked down on her cardigan, which had turned purple and she suddenly acknowledged how freezing she was. ''I – I need to freshen up and get something warm to drink, I'm freezing.'' she said as she stood up from her chair. Will stood up at the same time and nodded. ''I'll get you some coffee and just wait for me to come back, I'm just going to get something else for you.'' Emma nodded again and waited for 10 minutes. When Will finally returned he had a steaming hot cup of coffee in his hand and assured her that he had washed and steamed it himself and got a woman's blouse out of his bag. He handed it over to her saying ''I think this will fit you, it goes with your skirt anyway.'' Emma thanked him, drank her coffee and went to change. When she came back, Will was still in her office and smiled at her. ''Fits great.'' Emma blushed and politely said thank you. He continued with ''I'm happy I still had it in the car. Terri bought it once and she forgot to return it after she didn't think the blouse was _all that_. I guess her impulsive shopping and laziness to return finally worked out for something.'' Emma looked at him, thinking _whoever this Terri person is I'm grateful she didn't like the blouse._ The curiosity still got the better of her and she asked him who Terri was.

That was the second time that day her world went into slow-motion, as he was responding she looked at his left hand and saw the ring on his ring finger and questioned herself how she didn't notice it before. This time, her slow-motion felt as if something was tearing her heart up inside and she felt stupid for thinking he would be a free man._ Emma, you naïve girl. _Still, the final hit was the line that played over for a couple of times as he had said it with a smile on his face. ''Terri's my wife.''

For the first time in her life, Emma felt what it was like to be _heartbroken_...


	3. When things become clear

Hello everybody!

So last week I said I would have a chapter up before Christmas and unfortunately I haven't been able to keep that promise.

Trying to make up for it, I'll give you a long chapter than I've been used to writing before.

So here it is, the third chapter to my story.

I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, Fox nor any of the characters, this is just my own imagination spinning in my head.

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Her heart still flinched when she thought about the day Emma found out Will was a married man and she could even still feel the stinging going through her chest. Will Schuester had hit her hard, not even knowing he had done it and never knowing until he finally felt the tension between them rise as well.

But Emma Pillsbury was Emma Pillsbury-Howell right now, self-proclaimed ''happily married'' and yet she sat at her make-up table thinking about Will Schuester.

_How come your thoughts keep trailing off to Will Schuester? Why don't you just get up and head out the door to meet up with your husband at the restaurant he made a reservation for months ago? _

She couldn't answer that question, quite honestly. She had no clue why suddenly, for the past few hours, she looked into the mirror and questioned if Will would've liked the dress she had picked or if he would've like the way she had done her hair. She couldn't answer it and she didn't bother to think of a reason.

Just questioning herself about the way she looked and if Will would like it was enough for her to know she hadn't fully moved on from Will Schuester and it had just taken one conflicting conversation with a certain Glee Club member to make her realize it.

_I guess that makes me do have a clue…_

Emma had stayed at school a little longer this afternoon to reorganize her office and when she was about to call it a day she heard a knock on the door. She looked up and saw Rachel standing there with a desperate look on her face with stains that clearly looked as fresh tears.

''Rachel, what are you doing here this late?''

''I didn't want to go home because all I'd do would be thinking about Finn and I really needed to get him out of my head, so, I stayed a little longer and practiced our new assignment for Glee Club in the rehearsal classroom.''

Emma nodded, gave her a nod as to enter and had asked what had been going on and Rachel had confessed how she tried to get Finn's forgiveness but he wouldn't give in.

''It's like he never felt anything for me, Miss P. He's even being close with Santana right now and it kills me, it's like he's trying to tearing up my heart. What did I do to deserve this behaviour from him?'' Rachel asked Emma, with her eyes still tearing up.

''Well, Rachel, um- I think he just needs to cool off; you know everybody deals with heartbreak or pain in a different way. Some people just crash into a new hobby and some people just start… fooling around with other people.'' Emma had answered a bit nervously, knowing she still wasn't experienced enough to really know the answer to that.

''I'd rather have him crash into a new hobby.'' Rachel applied in a blunt way.

Emma had uncomfortably shifted in her seat, giving Rachel a smile and a hopeful look. She was about to say something when Rachel cut her off.

''Miss P. can I ask you something?''

Emma smiled to give her the okay to ask away.

''How long did it take for you to get over Mr. Schue and how did you do it?''

She gulped, looking down at her wedding ring and stayed quiet for a while, not really sure if Will had actually ever spoken to the Glee Club about what had gone down between the two of them and thought about it, when Rachel continued.

''I know it's none of my business, really, but I am just curious. I – I mean, it was obvious that you and Mr. Schue had something going on, both of you were always together and well, you swooned over him just as much as I did last year when he sang that mash-up of ''Don't Stand So Close To Me/Young Girl'' to me… So, then, suddenly that story about him being a manwhore was going 'round the school and you weren't close anymore and well, you weren't even coming to rehearsals anymore so I kinda figured out something had happened between the two of you.''

Emma had been taken aback, wondering if it had **really** been that obvious but relieved that it was just Rachel's nosiness that caused her to know about her and Will.

''I saw you two kiss as well, that day when we thought Glee Club was over after Regionals. I overheard Mr. Schue proclaiming his love for you and well, I thought you two would be together by the first day of the new school year but you weren't. I kinda hoped you two would because Mr. Schue has been miserable ever since that manwhore gossip went around. I thought you two were kinda like me and Finn, meant to be and eventually figuring things out but it didn't and now you're married to someone else. What if Finn starts dating Santana?''

Emma took in a breath, letting sink in what Rachel had just told her. _She heard Will tell me he loves me and she knows I'm married to Carl. Oh goodness, I think I just let her lose all faith in Finn and her getting back together._

''Well, em- Rachel, let's just be rational here. I- I- You're a teenager, what happened between you and Finn is normal for teenagers. Teenage life is not normal if there aren't any bad break-ups, long awaited reunions or if there isn't any drama all the time. These things are completely normal and Finn can not stay mad for too long, that's how teenage boys are. One day they're mad and the other day they question themselves why they were and notice the great girl, like you, being there for them and you can start over fresh.''

''We both know that isn't particularly true, Miss P.''

She knew it, as much as she knew Rachel was a wise girl for her age.

''Rachel, my advice to you is to stay the same person you are right now, if it's meant to be he'll overlook all of your problems by realizing all he wants is there in front of him, apologize sincerely and wanting to get back together.''

''Kinda like Mr. Schue tried to do but you still married that dentist?''

_Ouch, that one stung. Have I really been this harsh to him? _

''Rachel, I've let you in on my personal life a little too much today. If you have any other question you can always make an appointment but right now it's getting late and I don't want your dads to be worried about where you are.'' Emma said a little overcome and at the same time sort of begging to end the conversation.

Rachel nodded and got the statement Emma was making. She stood up and walked towards the door, halted and turned around and took a breath.

''You know, it is kind of tragic, you and Mr. Schue could make each other's face light up like no one else – sometimes you two would even forget you were supposed to give us directions while rehearsals because all you two could do was stare at each other through the corners of your eyes. I honestly never saw two people look so in happily in love without actually being together and deep down inside I admired the two of you. You were obviously best friends and obviously so comfortable together in this strange way that it made me comfortable in thinking I would get that someday too. I – I guess that happy endings eventually only exist in movies since I was so sure you and Mr. Schue would have one.''

Rachel paused for a moment and reprised her speech after a minute.

''Now, Mr. Schue doesn't have that sparkle in his eyes like he used to have when you two were still friends. He does his best but everyone in Glee Club knows he's miserable. We tried to talk to him once we noticed you married Dr. Howell but he didn't want to talk. The tone in his voice was enough for him to show us he was heartbroken. And honestly, I haven't seen that sparkle in your eyes either, even when Dr. Howell was here for our Rocky Horror Glee Show. It's like that sparkle in both your eyes has vanished and it will never get back. It pains me because I've lost that sparkle ever since Finn broke up with me and I don't see it in his eyes anymore, either. I hate to think this is going to be the end of Finn and me – that Finn will eventually get with Santana and be happy with her, stay with her and I'll be looking from the sidelines. I don't want to end up like Mr. Schue, all alone and miserable.''

Rachel let another tear roll down her cheeks, nodded once again and got out of the office, leaving Emma struck on her chair repeating Rachel's words a few times in her head.

Eventually, Emma had packed up and driven home, all the while remembering Rachel's words.

_And honestly, I haven't seen that sparkle in your eyes either, even when Dr. Howell was here for our Rocky Horror Glee Show. It's like that sparkle in both your eyes has vanished and it will never get back._

That sentence was the one that had pushed her over the edge, it was the one sentence that made her start thinking things through and question herself about her honesty towards herself, Carl and even Will.

She knew exactly what Rachel meant by ''the sparkle'' and she knew as well that she never really felt the same feelings she had for Carl which probably meant she never had the same sparkle in her eyes for Carl.

_Of course you don't feel the same feelings for Carl as Will, you're in a normal relationship now. You didn't build this relationship on lingering feelings, hopes and fairytale-like movies with happy endings like you thought would have happened with Will. This time, you actually build everything up slowly and you have a steady relationship. It's your first real relationship and it's going great so far. _

_-My first real relationship- _she thought to herself. Her first real relationship had resulted in a quicky Vegas wedding and a wonderful man broken. She had to admit, Will had been acting pretty awkward during the fall and eventually stopped pursuing her but she had also noticed that Will had tried to avoid her now that she had been married to Carl although Will had still always tried to stay friendly to her.

How could she hurt Will this badly, when he had tried so many things to get her to forgive him? For the first time, she really thought about it and tried to figure out why she had been so eager to tell Will she was married to Carl but at the same tried to keep Will close to her, even inviting him to her and Carl's Christmas party oblivious to the fact that this was causing him even more pain.

Rachel Berry had pointed out to her how she compared her own relationship to Will's and hers, and she had even gotten her to think about her own ridiculous behaviour, hurting Will in a way in which he never had hurt her.

_How could I have done that to him? How could I ever think I was any better than he was when I treated him much worse than he has ever treated me? Will has always been a loyal friend, an endearing person and has always treated me with respect, except for when he kissed Shelby and slept with April. Yet, after all the times I flaunted Carl and our relationship in his face he has always tried to be a good sport about it. _

Her thoughts had started to live their own life inside of Emma's head and she couldn't stop them now.

_And Carl, I love how he's helping me with my OCD, I love how he can just be in the house and listen to me talk about my day, I love how he's such a steady guy and I love how he tries to make me feel easier about surprised. I love it when he takes me out to fancy restaurants and we go shopping and I get back with tons of clothes and shoes but I think there's something missing. _

For the first time she had started to question herself, Carl, Will and her motivations for everything that had been going on for the past months.

This interrogation on herself had been going on for hours and finally, when she was about to hit the door after she had put on her shoes and coat, trying to finally get herself to the restaurant where Carl was probably already waiting for her, she had a revelation.

Whenever she saw Will she still felt something deep down inside, like a knot tying up in her stomach, which she had never felt for Carl. For Carl, she always felt deep respect and admiring feelings but she had never felt it in the same way as she had felt it for Will.

It felt as though, she couldn't really find a word for how she felt about Carl. He was a great man, caring and loving and certainly incredibly handsome but she had never felt the way to fawn over him like she had over Will. Carl felt like a great- tutor.

The revelation had hit her now, which caused her to take off her shoes and coat again.

She walked back into her bedroom, stood in front of the mirror once again and finally spoke the words of her revelation, while staring at herself.

''I love how Carl is helping me and how he has gotten me to experience a lot of ''first times''… However, loving how someone is around you doesn't mean that much when you cannot place any feelings without having to think about it, does it?''

She had whispered those words just loud enough to hear them flow in her ears and suddenly she felt a tear rolling down her cheek.

She took a deep breath and wiped the tear from her face. Then, she glanced at herself firmly in the mirror, noticing the wedding ring again. She fingered her ring for about the tenth time this evening and suddenly spoke out loud;

''Emma Pillsbury, you don't love your husband.''

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So, what did you think? I kinda had a writer's block on this one so I hope it didn't suck that much...

As always, a review is always appreciated!


	4. When you finally admit the truth

Hey!

So this is a quick update after the previous one isn't it, I think it's 2 days?

See this as my second make-up gift for not updating sooner the past few weeks...

Also, I wish you all a Happy New Year, the next chapter will probably be in the first week of January.

Be careful, be joyful, don't drink too much and have fun on New Year's Eve, but for now, **enjoy the chapter.**

Disclaimer : I still don't own Glee, Fox nor any of the characters of the show.

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If she had to choose one word on how to analyze the current state she was in, Emma was undecided on the words panic, heartbreak, scare, stupidity, denial or agony.

Come to think that Emma's breath stitched and she was about to faint, she decided she was going with panic and that a panic attack wasn't that far away from hitting her. Alternatively, maybe all of the above.

She huffed and puffed around the bedroom, still trying to let her mind dawn the realization she had made and for the first time, admitted out loud. Well, out loud hadn't really been out loud, but it had been loud enough for her to hear herself and sometimes, when you finally speak those words it pushes you over the edge. It had pushed Emma over the edge now.

''Oh my goodness, Emma Pillsbury, why out of all days did you have to come to this realization today?'' she asked herself, hands in her hair and shaking her head at the same time.

_Why did Rachel Berry have to come in today and give her a wake-up call, not even knowing what she done once she had left Emma's office?_

It wasn't like today was a real special day, but she had her husband Carl waiting for her in the restaurant of course and he had told her he wanted to celebrate their one-month newlyweds anniversary this morning before going to work.

Right now all she wanted to do was to take an hour-long shower, curl up on the couch with a blanket around her and drinking a hot cup of Chamomile tea to help her relax along while watching ''My Fair Lady'' for the 100th time.

''That's not going to happen, Pillsbury. You still need to get yourself to that restaurant and have a wonderful evening with your husband.'' She told herself out loud once again, convincing herself it maybe wouldn't be that bad after all.

However, that wonderful evening did not sound that wonderful anymore. Right now, it sounded like her worst nightmare and at this same moment she felt as if she was going to faint.

_Inhale slowly and exhale slowly, Emma. Calm yourself down, we don't need us to have a panic attack right now, the evening hasn't even started and you haven't even seen Carl yet. Let's be rational, you need to get to that restaurant and tell Carl what you feel and don't feel . Gosh, I wish I had just gone to a therapist anyway, their number on speed-dial would've definitely come in handy right now. _

Just as she was thinking about her phone, her phone actually went off. She ran to the living room where she had put her purse and searched for her cellphone. She found it quickly as she always put it in the same side pocket and exhaled slowly as she saw who was calling on the Caller ID.

''Uhm-Hello?'' she said as she picked up the phone.

''Ems, sweetie, where are you? Is everything okay? I have been waiting for over half an hour and I became worried, as it is not anything for you to be late.'' Carl said on the other side of the line.

''Oh…'' she quickly glanced at the time on her phone and noticed that it was almost 8PM and she had agreed with Carl to meet up with him at quarter past seven. _Great, now he definitely will know something's off._

''Ems, are you still on the line?''

''Ehm- yes! I'm so sorry Carl, I had a student when I was about to leave school and she was really depressed so I really had to help her. S-so, I was home later than I thought and you know, I couldn't decide on what to wear and I changed about 5 times and I kind of lost track of time. I am so sorry.'' Her explanation was not fully a lie. It was actually the truth. She just had not mentioned the part where Will Schuester had come into her thoughts.

''Don't apologize Ems, I'll make sure I give the waitress a good tip, just be here as soon as possible okay? They usually don't hold the tables this long as the reservations have to be made months in advance.''

''Okay, um – yeah, I will be there in 10 minutes. See you there.''

''I love you.''

She quickly hung up the phone when she heard him say that, in order to avoid her having to reply. She felt ridiculous; she did not have any problems saying it this morning or any other day to him.

_Yes, but that was before Rachel came in and pointed out to you how you hurt Will, made you realize how you're actually not that over him as you thought you were and you actually made a big mistake in marrying someone you don't truly love._

She glanced at the time again and came to notice another 5 minutes had passed. Thinking to herself it would be now or never she put on her coat and shoes once again, grabbed her purse and walked out of the door. She said a little prayer for herself, locked the door and made her way to her car.

10 minutes later Emma found herself in the parking lot in front of the restaurant and noticed that the place wasn't actually that far from Will's apartment, maybe 3 blocks away. She shook her head a little and got herself out of the car, walking up to the front door of the restaurant.

She peeked through the window and could see Carl sitting at a table for two, with an unopened bottle of red wine in front of him as he was looking around the restaurant to see if there was any sign of Emma yet.

After peeking through the window for a minute, she finally got the guts to go inside and walk towards their table after dropping off her purse and coat at the desk.

When Carl noticed Emma walking into the room he had a big smile on his face and immediately stood up to give her a hug and a quick kiss on her lips. Emma had awkwardly returned both the kiss and the hug before he helped her sit down on the chair in front of him.

They finally ordered their picks of the menu , which all were a little too exquisite to Emma's taste but she didn't complain, although she had to admit to herself she preferred a PB&J over what she had just eaten at anytime. When Carl had asked for the check Emma nearly had a heart attack when she had seen the amount of money Carl had to pay. She couldn't believe a three-way-course and two bottles of red wine would sum up to the amount of $279,-. Suddenly, the guilt she was feeling already had increased a lot more.

As they left the restaurant Carl had gotten his Corvette back from the Valet parking and nodded for Emma to come sit with him.

''Ems, you have to forgive me.'' Carl begin to speak as they drove away from the restaurant.

Emma widened her eyes and wondered what was going on. She didn't say anything, the expression on her face was enough for Carl to continue.

''I forgot to mention one little thing. I arranged a surprise for you, well – for us actually, but since I know about it already, I guess it's just a surprise for you.''

''Oh, okay.''

''I know you hate surprises but this could be a good exercise for you as well.''

Emma nodded and gave him a small smile.

''So, are you excited for it?''

Emma nodded once again and finally replied.

''Well, uhm, I think so. I mean, I don't know what the surprise is but I can say I'm curious.''

''You'll find out in a minute.''

Carl did not lie. As soon as he had said it he turned right and parked the car in front of the Hampton Inn. Emma got out of the car and walked in with Carl. He led her to the bar and smiled at her, holding her hand and helping her sit down.

''This here is an exclusive bar, with some of the best alcoholic beverages in the world.'' He said to her and walked towards the bar ordering two drinks which she couldn't recognize.

Carl came back with a drink that looked like a rainbow and put it in front of her, and he had gotten himself a Johnnie Walker Blue Label.

''Thank you, what is it?'' Emma asked Carl, hoping he had taken account of the fact she didn't like to drink a lot.

''It's called a Rainbow Cocktail, because it looks like it. Taste it, I promise you will love it.''

Emma took the drink in her hand and sipped, surprised that it tasted just like a lollipop and took a few more sips of it. _Maybe this will help me calm down. _Before she knew it she had finished up the cocktail and gotten up to order a new one. She had downed the next one even faster than the first one and Carl smiled at her, while he still had half of his whiskey in his glass.

''Slow down, Ems, you don't want to be drunk when you see the surprise and regret not remembering it.''

''I thought this was the surprise?''

''This was part of the surprise.'' Carl finished up his whiskey and took her hand then walked over to the front desk of the hotel and whispered something to the desk clerk before returning.

''Alright, let's go and see the surprise.''

They took the elevator to the 9th floor and walked through the corridor, eventually stopping at a room which had the number 1406. Emma blinked a few times and before she knew it, Carl opened the door, they walked into a beautiful room fully lit with candlelight and rose petals spread all over the bed. She looked around and found the room was breathtaking; it was in an artisanal style just as she loved and the setting of the room was very romantic.

''What do you think?''

''It's beautiful, really, beautiful.''

Carl led her to the center of the room and put on some music, then taking her hands and started to dance with her.

''See, this is especially for you, all this is for you because I love you.''

Emma couldn't do or say anything, just nod once again. She had to admit she felt a little light in her head, she wasn't used to drinking as much as she had tonight but she felt courageous and relaxed right now, thinking it was not that bad feeling this way. She just closed her eyes and danced along to the rhythm of the song.

The song was almost over and suddenly she felt Carl's lips on her earlobe, then drifting off to her neck and sucking at her pulse point for a moment. She let out a sigh, putting her head on the crook of his collarbone, still keeping her eyes closed. He slowly lead them to the bed and started to unbutton a button of her cardigan. Suddenly, Emma opened her eyes and gulped when she came to the realization of what she saw.

Will Schuester was kissing her right now.

''Emma?''

Emma heard Will's voice now, shocked to see and hear him in front of her. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

''Emma, are you alright? I thought this would be romantic, that this would be the perfect night for us to have our first time.''

She opened her eyes again when the voice changed midsentence from Will's back into Carl's.

''Carl, I – I'm sorry, I can't do this.''

''No, you know what, maybe this wasn't the right time after all.''

''No, Carl, I mean yes and no.''

The look on Carl's face was showing confusion as he frowned and shook his head in a way of asking her to explain.

''I- I'm so sorry, Carl. I – I really don't know how to explain this. It's not that I just can't do this right now but I don't think I ever will be able to do this with you.''

''What do you mean?''

Emma didn't feel light in her head anymore and everything she said or felt hit her like a brick hit her head. She hadn't thought about this earlier – she only tried to get herself to meet up with Carl and tell him this had to be over but she never thought about the way she was going to explain it.

She never thought it would have come this far, she went into the restaurant to try and end it before the main course but the guilt had crept in and after those few glasses of wine she felt herself tagging along with Carl. She hated herself for giving him this hope this evening and she felt disgusting, like she had suddenly cheated on Will.

What she hated the most is that it had taken her so long to realize that she loved Will, used Carl and thought she was happy. _How could you have lied so much to yourself Emma? _

The silence in the room let the tension build up to an unbearable point and Emma's thoughts were spinning in her head. She tried to find the best ways of telling Carl what she was about to say but clearly her mind wasn't working as well as she would want it to work. Eventually she stood up, paced around the room for a moment before sitting back down and took Carl's hand in hers. She took a breath, bit her lip and stared at him for a moment. Carl was clearly even more confused now than he was a minute ago.

_Either way you do it, it's going to hurt him. Speak now, Emma. _

''I don't love you.''

* * *

So that was the chapter, I had something entirely different in mind but it kept changing.

I've rewritten it about 3 times, changing my mind all the time.

I hope the third time really is a charm and that you liked the version I went along with in the end.

As usual, please review, it's nice to get some feedback!

Thank you!


	5. There's always calm before the storm

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone had a great New Year's Eve. I know I did!

Here's the newest chapter of the story and well, like always I hope you enjoy it!

Also, I'd like to address I don't really know much of the American High School system, so please forgive me if I've written something which isn't true.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, Fox or any of the characters involved.

* * *

The realization that Emma had made a mistake by marrying Carl had suddenly hit her even more when she looked over at him after she had told him those four little words.

She stood in the middle of the room, glancing over at the bed where Carl was sitting and stared at him.

The fact that she couldn't read his face, the fact that she couldn't tell if he was either mad or upset or maybe something completely different was like a loud alarm ringing in her head.

She couldn't read his face, like she could so easily do if it was Will's face. It wasn't about the time of knowing each other, she thought to herself, it had only taken her 2 weeks after meeting Will for the first time to completely unravel every expression of his face – whether it was guilt, anger, hurt, happiness or confusion; she knew them by heart in a heartbeat.

The fact that she couldn't unravel the mystery that was on Carl's face only told her once again that this was definitely a sign that she had jumped into something she clearly didn't think over. The fact that Carl had remained silence for the past 15 minutes didn't help a lot either.

Emma didn't know if it was the effect of the alcohol but once again, her mind started to wander off to a destination that had been reached numerous times this evening. She closed her eyes and started remembering another event that had happened between Will and her.

After Emma had found out about Will being married she had tried to tell herself to stop thinking of how it would be like if she would be with him. She tried to stop wondering if he could maybe make her better like in curing her, because, even after just being a couple of months working at the William McKinley High School she had noticed that with Will she never felt in the same state as she was with everyone else. With Will, it was completely different.

Today, at the end of the day being her 2-months anniversary of working at William McKinley, she came to realize that unconsciously she knew his every expression on his face and could just tell by one blink or one little wrinkle the way he was feeling. As if it had been telepathy, Will had realized it as well.

It started on their lunch-break where she had entered the room and saw Will sitting at the table they had named ''theirs'' after they had taken lunches together and noticed after a week or two that they always sat at the same table. Will had seen her enter and smiled but Emma had known immediately that the smile he was wearing wasn't matching with his eyes. She smiled back and sat down in front of him.

''Hey Em, so how are you today?''

''Hi, well, ehm, it was quite hectic, didn't expect it to be this hectic but there were a few kids with some shocking problems, but ehm- you know, I-I can't really discuss it with you since I kind of have a pledge of secrecy .'' She looked at Will a bit nervously because she hated to think of the fact she still had to have meetings until 3PM and couldn't wait for this day to be over.

''I know. '' He nodded at her while taking a bit of his chocolate chip cookie.

''S-so how are you today?'' She asked him to see if he would tell him why his smile didn't reach his eyes.

''I'm alright, just a little tired, I couldn't sleep last night. Terri kept turning and turning in her bed and I couldn't catch my sleep.'' He smiled at Emma but Emma could tell that wasn't exactly it.

''How about the real story?''

Will had taken a look at Emma and let out a sigh, then shifted his gaze to his cookie. He thought it was in some way creepy, yet incredibly charming, that after such a short amount of time of knowing each other Emma could see right through him. Normally, he would've fooled everyone with a smile on his face and by asking away casually, then giving them a quick reply after they asked him the same and no one would question anything about what he just had said, _even Terri wouldn't_.

He looked over at her and saw how she had just taken out her lunchbox after fully disinfecting her part of the table, then glancing over at him with her big warm chocolate colored eyes.

''What do you mean?'' He asked her finally as some sort of attest for them to see if his thoughts were right.

''You are either completely immune to creating dark circles under your eyes after being up for a very long time or there is something bothering you.'' She joked, then continuing her story. ''Considering I think I saw you not having slept enough around the second week I was working here, I'm betting on the latter.'' _Shoot, he must think I'm even crazier than he already thought I was, knowing such a stupid little detail about him from a month and a half ago. _She pressed her lips again and pinched them into a small smile.

Will didn't think Emma was crazy at all, all he thought to himself was that they had passed the test with flying colors and Emma didn't even know she was in this crazy made-up test of his.

He laughed and scratched the back of his head before replying.

''Actually, you won the bet.'' He said taking another bite of his cookie.

''I'm kind of in a dilemma, there's this great kid who's trying really hard at Spanish but fails every test. The thing is, she wants to try to enroll for a scholarship, which she would definitely get but I don't think she will ever pass her SAT test. I actually think Spanish will be the reason she won't enroll into a scholarship and she really needs it, since her parents definitely can't afford the college tuitions. She's a great student, she could definitely attend Harvard or Yale but without passing this class with a no less than terrific grade she won't get it. I really don't want to fail her on her Spanish but I don't think there's much more I can do. If I let her off the hook, other students want to be let off the hook as well and you know, once the ball starts rolling…'' He finally admitted to her with a loud sigh.

Emma took in the information and nodded. She thought for a minute and thought Will was actually cute when he was frustrated and feeling guilty, even though it wasn't his fault. _Stop fawning over something like this Emma, think of something to say to him._ She snapped out of her thoughts and quickly thought of something.

''W-well, you know Will, I know you are feeling guilty but there is not really much you can do about it. I- I mean you shouldn't feel like she won't get a scholarship because of you. If she doesn't it's because she just had this terrible struggle with Spanish. It's unfair but life's unfair.'' _Wow, that was kind of harsh to say._

''It's hard to think it's not my fault when it's my class she's failing at.'' Will said with pain in his heart.

''This is why you are a great teacher, Will. You care about your students. You make jokes but know when to be serious and the students even act the same way with you. Come on, you're not being named ''Teacher of the Year'' for nothing, are you? I suppose that if you would want to do something about it, why don't you go and offer her to tutor her for a few days a week for a couple of weeks just before the SATs? Maybe some private classes would help her and it would at least help you, if she doesn't pass you will have done everything in your power to make her pass it.''

Will had smiled at her and nodded, wondering why he had not thought about that in the first place.

''Thanks Em, you know, I think you are a savior in some sort for me. I've definitely been off-track the last few months and here you come walking into this school with advice and help me make my mind clear up.''

Emma felt her face turn red and looked to the ground, then back at him.

''They don't call me a guidance counselor for nothing.'' She joked.

''You're a guidance counselor for the students, Em. Really, I appreciate you for every time you've helped me out in the brief time we've known each other.'' He stood up as he noticed the time on the clock that stated their lunch hour was almost over and stood up with a nod and a smile.

''You're very welcome.''

''No, I really mean it. You are the only one who notices it when I'm not feeling great, or if something is bothering me. You are the only one who notices it even after I try to front about it. Maybe it's strange to say but you've grown into a great friend, dare I say my best friend?''

Emma blushed once again and Will stared at her for a while, thinking she was the first female best friend he ever had. Not even Terri had been a real true friend of his before they started dating. Emma was actually the only one he could talk to about everything at most times in his life lately.

''So, thank you.'' He repeated once more and Emma nodded.

''Now quickly finish your sandwiches, you haven't taken a bite yet and the lunch hour ends in 2 minutes. We don't want to repeat you nearly fainting here at school like the second day you worked here.'' He joked while he started to walk away.

Emma laughed and quickly picked up her sandwich and nodded. She was still a little struck on what Will had just confessed to her and the urge of thinking about them being more than just friends had suddenly resurfaced in her brain. She quickly canceled out the thought and took a few bites.

''Thanks Will and I'd like to say you're my best friend. I've never really had a best friend before.''

Will winked, smiled and walked away.

''Okay then, so we're officially best friends now. Bye Em!''

''Bye Will.''

Both didn't know that the other felt as if strangely there maybe was more than just friendship…

Emma opened her eyes and was back in reality. Carl was still sitting in front of her and she still was not able to read his face.

''Carl?'' she finally asked.

Carl glanced up and didn't say anything, he just stared at her.

''Please say something, anything.'' she asked him in a way of begging.

Carl let out a sigh, stood up and walked over her as close as he could, almost invading her personal space.

''What do you want me to say?''

His voice was walking on a thin line of anger and heartbreak and Emma felt scared, small and incredibly guilty.

''I-I don't know. Speak your mind and just say something. We've been quiet for 15 minutes now and it's starting to make me feel uncomfortable.''

''Uncomfortable? _You_ are feeling uncomfortable? What do you think I feel like right now, Emma?''

Emma blinked and felt the room spinning a little.

''I understand that and I- I'm so sorry. I really thought I loved you Carl, please don't think I just tagged along to make you live a lie.''

Silence, again. _How I hate silence, it always feels like some bomb is able to explode without knowing when it will._

''Damn it Emma, don't say that you're sorry. You saying you are fucking sorry doesn't help a bit. You don't know anything about being sorry.''

Carl shook his head and laughed, as if he wanted to force himself into thinking she was joking with him. Emma on the other side was standing frozen like a statue as she could feel the heat of his breath over her face.

''I am Carl. I am.'' Emma shivered as she truly felt her heart breaking for him once again.

''You don't get to play the victim in this story now, Emma. It's _me_ feeling sorry. You know why? I'm sorry for putting this much effort, time and money into you. You know, I finally understand why Will Schuester cheated on you. You lead people on and turn them down in the heat of the moment. Here you are, putting up the ''I'm adorable and innocent'' act while you're nothing but heartless.''

Emma was amazed by his sudden tone of anger. She didn't try to feel piteous for herself, she understood that Carl was saying that because he was hurt. The words he was saying really hurt her though and for a moment she actually started thinking if any of what he was stating was true. _It's true Emma, look at the people you've hurt in the passed year. Ken, Will, and now Carl. _

''You know, it's really a shame. I've known you for what, 2 years now? In those two years you'd talk to me and I'd think you didn't deserve to be treated like that with Will. I was feeling bad for you since you were so in love with him but with him being married it would never work out. Then you told me about Ken and how everything worked out with Will and that is when a bell should have start ringing. Come to think about it, I can't believe they didn't start ringing when you confessed to me about that Toucha-Toucha-Toucha-Touch me accident.'' Carl laughed once more and started talking again.

''You know, I think I'm going to apologize to Schuester.''

Emma eyes grew wide.

''Why? What do you mean by apologize?''

''Because all the while I thought he was trying to take you away from me, the poor guy was being led on. Don't you remember I yelled at him in the middle of rehearsals during Rocky Horror? You play with men like they are toys and make them feel like they have a shot while the only shot they will have is a shot through their hearts.''

Emma was speechless and felt tears rolling from her eyes.

''You can cry but it doesn't help anything. You are a cold heartless bitch.''

Carl finally stepped back, walked over to the bed and put on his coat. He headed for the door and turned around, shaking his head still not believing that Emma had just stomped on his heart. He realized he hadn't even asked her what the reason was for her to jump to the conclusion of not loving him, although in the back of his mind he already knew the answer. That reason was only making his heart ache more and feel stupid about himself that he might have had a part to his own heartbreak. He had tried to claim her in a way and maybe if he hadn't she would have come to love him eventually on her own.

''Where are you going?''

Silence.

''What about the room?''

Silence.

''What am I supposed to do Carl?'' she yelled in despair. ''What do you want me to do, from the sound of it there's nothing I can say or do anyway!''

Silence.

Carl was still looking at her but didn't speak a word while he started walking back to the bed, took off his coat and put it on the bedspread.

''Get out.'' He said quietly.

''Come again?''

''Get out.'' He said a little louder.

''But-''

''You asked me what you could do, I just told you.''

''Ca-'' she tried once again but Carl cut her off.

''I said GET OUT!'' he yelled at her and raised his hand, but hit the wall instead of her.

Emma jumped at his actions and quickly gathered her purse and coat. She headed to the door and looked back at Carl for the last time. She was looking at him to see if there was some sort of difference in his eyes but there wasn't. She finally opened the door and quietly closed it behind her when she had left the room.

Walking down the corridor she realized that for the first time this evening, had been able to tell what the look on his face was, which had been anger.

It would have been easing her mind, had it not been the only look she had known from him next to being happy.

* * *

So what did you think?

Did you notice I put in a tiny little parralel between Terri/Will and Emma/Carl?

Believe me readers, the next chapter will finally involve real-life WEmma and not just flashbacks. I think I've kept you waiting long enough... =)

As always thank you for reading and reviewing!


	6. If you need a friend

Hello everyone!

Due to unforeseen circumstances like an eye infection I haven't been able to update sooner.

I'd like to dedicate this chapter to all of my readers/reviewers and give a special mention to **Selena and Celia**,whom are real life friends and have been nothing but supportive and enthusiastic once I told them I was writing this story. Thanks for that, I really appreciate it. So here's to you darlings 3.

To make up for the delay on updates I tried to write an extra-extra long chapter. Since I have no idea when it comes to thoughts about this chapter, I hope you enjoy it and please review.

* * *

Emma kept walking down the corridor and felt the anxiety rise as she found out she had no idea which way she was walking.

''This is a stupidly huge hotel, why do they even build it this big for a small town like _this?'' _she hissed to herself while getting more and more frustrated.

Truth be told, she knew it wasn't because of the size of the hotel or the corridor which seemed to have no end – the frustration was something she had been carrying for days inside of her head and all the while she had thought that breaking things off with Carl would have been the end of it.

Boy, was she wrong.

Another turn to the right, then after a few feet one to the left.

_What is this for place? I just want to find the damn elevator._

As if the elevator had heard her she took a final turn to the left and saw the doors of the elevator at the end of the corridor. Approaching the elevator Emma noticed the hotel map and noticed that she had walked the long distance way of going to the elevator. Had she gone the other way, the way she had walked with Carl, she would have been at the elevator 15 turns ago. _At least I'm here now_.

Emma pressed down the button of the main floor and felt like it took an entire decade for it to finally open the doors.

For the first time in her life, Emma needed something she never thought she would have needed, especially since it wasn't really her way of dealing with things. For the first time in her life Emma _really_ needed a drink.

She walked down to the bar and decided to take a look at the cocktails but decided she needed something which wasn't sweet and innocently sneaky. She wanted to drink something which was describing the way that she felt and which could make her feel numb.

The waiter came to take up her order.

''Jack Daniels on the rocks, please.'' She said in a way as if she was a teenager trying to buy a drink without being asked for her ID.

''Jack Da- wait, did you say Jack Daniels on the rocks?'' The waiter looked taken aback.

''Actually, er- yes, yes I did. Why?'' _What is this guy's problem? _

''I'm sorry, I didn't want to sound as if you couldn't have it. You see me and my colleague over there,'' he turned and pointed to him so Emma could see whom he was talking about. ''we're having this on-going bet of telling eachother which drink a customer is going to order and thus far I've never had a bet wrong, until you came up.'' He blushed at the confession but couldn't help but let out a laugh.

''Oh, I'm – I'm sorry I made you lose your bet, but I'm a- well, I'm sticking to my order.'' She joked.

''One Jackie D. coming right up then.'' He gave her a small smile and Emma was grateful she had at least one person laughing along with her tonight.

The waiter returned a couple of minutes later and placed the glass on the table in front of her and returned to the bar. She stared at it for a few moments, just because she had to admit to herself that this was very uncharacteristic but hadn't she been uncharacteristic for months now?

Emma picked up the glass and took a large sip. _Ooh, that burns._ Emma had yet to decide if the drink she just sipped was only a fancy term for 'gasoline' or that it was the best medicine of just getting lost in thoughts while not really feeling something in some weird way. For now, she was hanging onto the first of the two.

Seven sips later she was thinking the latter.

She didn't know why but up until she started drinking the whiskey she hadn't wanted to think about Carl or Will or what she was going to do now. She thought drinking this would block it out for at least the next day but sitting all alone in the bar she started to feel the guilt build up until she couldn't do anything but think about it.

Her mind recalled what had happened half an hour earlier, the moment where she had told Carl she didn't love him and the way he had reacted in such anger.

''You're a cold heartless bitch.'' Carl's voice repeated in her head.

Was she really? Had she really been this terrible towards the men who had shown her love or shown her that they cared about her?

Soon her mind drifted off to the past year and a half and the events which had happened in her life since then.

Ken had been the first victim of her cruelty and she had always felt guilty about what she had done but she never realized that she may have been the reason that caused him to have a breakdown. _I never wanted to believe it was my entire fault. Who would want to believe they're the reason someone breaks down just because you didn't love them back? But Ken did break down and it was because of me. I never apologized to him for it and I didn't even thank him when he told Will off for hurting me when the entire school found out about Will's private pleasures with Shelby Corcoran and April Rhodes. I never even spoke to him after he had left me all alone on our wedding day. I was too embarrassed, while I shouldn't have been as embarrassed as I really am right now. _

Will was another story. Will had been the one who broke _her_ heart first. _But yet, when he told me we weren't over and would fight for me I couldn't help to feel amused. I couldn't help feeling powerful because there were two men fighting over me. I never really stopped giving Will some hope and I saw his heart breaking in front of me when I flaunted my wedding ring in his face. Perhaps I wanted to let him feel what I felt when he cheated on me, although we weren't actually dating. I put him on a pedestal and forgot that he was human, someone made out of flesh, blood and feelings._

Carl, Carl had been nothing but good to her. Not counting the times he would be the most frightening man in the world because she would come home telling her about something Will had done or said. Carl would burst out in anger, berating Will and accusing Emma of enjoying Carl having to fight for her while all he wanted to do was make her had always denied this. _But Carl was right. I did enjoy it, although not consciously. I guess my mind played tricks on me or maybe I was playing tricks on my mind. When you are in love for two years with someone who you think will never ever be with you it gets frustrating when you have a shot and it doesn't work out. So, when you meet someone you know you could like and maybe learn to love you try to rationalize and give it a shot. Who wouldn't? I knew that I thought I was happy with Carl but all the time we were together I had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind, especially when Will and I had this brief talk about him letting me go since I was happy with Carl. I think I felt my heart break a little again but I kept telling myself it was relief. Clearly it wasn't. _

''Would you like another drink, Miss?''

Emma snapped out her thoughts and looked up at the waiter who had served her tonight. She looked over at the empty glass and shook her head. By the looks of it she had probably been in deep thoughts and he just wanted to make sure is she was okay. She knew how she looked when she was in thoughts, she had stared herself down in the mirror for hours the very same night and she would just get this blank expression on her face, sometimes it looked like she was frightened.

''No, thank you. I think I've had more than enough. Could I have the check, please?''

''I'll be back in a minute.'' He replied and as told by him, he really was back in a minute.

Emma paid the bill and gave him a tip, adding the words ''To make up for your lost bet.''

She walked to the main entrance and took her cell phone out of her and noticed she had a new voicemail. _Carl. _He had left a message demanding she'd take her belongings out of _his_ home by the end of the week and that he was going to a conference for dentists somewhere in Florida. She felt relieved at the thought of not bumping into him while moving her things back into her old apartment, although she never really took a lot of her belongings to their, _his_, house. Somehow it had felt a little unnatural to her.

She deleted the message and dialed the central city number for cabs, to get one down to the hotel but got an apology from the lady answering the phone, who was telling her that to the sudden snowstorm they had to shut down in case of security reasons.

Emma looked out of the window and saw that there were about 3 inches of snow covering the grounds and although it wasn't really snowing anymore there were snowflakes falling from the sky and there was practically no one driving.

She knew that the roads were slippery, she had driven herself to the parking lot of the restaurant which wasn't that far from Will's house but she hadn't acknowledged the weather forecast giving out their plea to stay at home because of the snow storm hitting the city in the next hours. She couldn't blame herself for not noticing, she had better things to do at that time.

All she knew at this point is that she wanted, no, _needed _to get home and she didn't care how she'd get there. She calculated how long they had taken from the restaurant to the hotel by car, dividing the speed that they were driving at with the time it had really taken them and figured out that it was about 2.5 miles from here.

_Two and a half miles is approximately a half an hour walk, which isn't too bad… I just wish I hadn't worn my Mary Jane's right now; they're going to be ruined as well as my feet._

She put her scarf tightly around her neck, zipped up her coat and started walking in the way to the parking lot. The fresh air seemed to do her some good; she had really needed it without knowing it herself. As she walked down the streets her thoughts about Will, Carl and even Ken stopped running endless circles in her mind which for Emma felt like a heavy burden falling from her shoulders. She decided to cherish the moment as she knew that this would definitely not last long enough to her liking.

Emma had a love-hate relationship with snow, she loved it when it was fresh and everything turned white. It just made the world look a little more beautiful than it already was and when kids were making snowmen or having snowball fights she just had to smile.

The hate part in all this was when the snow was beginning to melt; the idea of all the mud and gibberish liquid on the streets was horrifying to her. She recalled a time where she had locked herself up for days in her apartment after she had slipped and landed in all of the gibberish liquid, thankfully, just in front of her house. She had gotten up and bawled her eyes out, sprinting to the shower and recalls it still as one of the longest showers to date. She hadn't gone out of the door until she had made sure that there was no mud or gibberish liquid to be seen anymore.

_I'm over winning one of my fears right now, I'm walking – deliberately – through the snow. _

After 45 minutes – she couldn't walk as fast as she usually did because of the snow and her shoes being slippery – she had finally made it to her car. The lights were still on, she probably had forgotten to turn them off after taking one last look in the mirror and in the haste of getting to the restaurant she hadn't checked if they were actually turned off. She grabbed her keys from her purse and stepped into the car placing her purse on the passenger's seat and tried to turn on the engine.

Nothing.

She tried a few times again…

Still nothing.

_Why doesn't the car start? Why, why, why? _She asked herself, then after 10 minutes debating with herself about what was wrong with the car she finally found out. She had seen the orange light for months now, telling her that the battery had to be charged or replaced but since she lived with Carl he had more often dropped her off and picked up from school with his than that she had driven her own car. The lights being on for a couple of hours probably helped as well. _Of all the day and nights, why does this happen tonight? _

She didn't know what to do; all that she knew was that she just wanted to get home.

_Think, Emma, think! It's too far to walk, my feet are killing me and there is no cab available. _

''What am I gonna do?'' she said to herself finally when she didn't find an answer. She looked out of the windows and remembered where she was.

''I'm not in the middle of nowhere, I'm 3 blocks away from Will's house. I'm going to call him and beg him to help me with my car.''

Emma didn't want to call Will, it wasn't because she didn't want to speak to him. Emma didn't want to call him because she felt embarrassed and ashamed of the way she had treated him the past few months. She had hurt Will just like Terri had and it didn't matter if her ways of hurting him were different or subconscious, she had still hurt him and she couldn't forgive herself for that.

Reluctantly, she decided that calling Will was the only shot she had at getting home safe and took grabbed her purse. She took out her phone and noticed her battery was very low. Without hesitating she pressed #1, she had never taken Will off her speed-dial, she hadn't been able to even after marrying Carl. _Another thing Carl didn't know – another thing Carl would've been infuriated by._

She heard the phone starting to dial the number, then once again, nothing. She looked down at her phone and saw that amongst her car, the battery of her phone had died as well.

Without hesitating she got out of her car, locked the doors and started making her way down to Will's house. She was happy that he didn't live no more than 3 or 4 blocks away but was terrified of facing him. After Christmas Break she had been avoiding him as she had realized that Will was just being kind when he had denied things being awkward between them after Emma had told him she had married Carl.

By every minute she got closer to his house she got more and more anxious, ashamed and terrified of knocking on Will's door for help. It wasn't because of the fact that he might blow her off – it was more of the fact that she didn't stick to two quotes her mother had told her over and over again while growing up, which she had always stuck to up until now ;

_There is no such thing as a simple act of compassion or an inconsequential act of service. Everything we do for another person has infinite consequences._

_It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do for yourself._

Those two quotes had been her motto of life. She always tried to do her best for other people and never tried to harm anyone. Her mother had taught her well but she had forgotten to actually live by those quotes after the fiasco happened with Will. Everything she had done to him was everything he had never put her through. He had sensed there was something more between them but had never intentionally tried to lead her on or hurt her. Even though Emma didn't really want to hurt him, she knew deep down inside that she was and she never stopped herself.

Emma came to a halt when she was at the front door of Will's building. She was about to push on the buzzer when someone walked out of the building and kept the door open. She walked the flight of stairs and took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

_Here it goes…_

''Emma? Wh- What are you doing here?'' Will asked when he opened the door. He looked surprised and beautiful. She stared at him for a moment, noticing some scruff which made him look sexier than she already thought he looked and noticed he was probably heading to bed soon – he was wearing his gray sweatpants and v-neck black shirt.

''H-hi Will. Um, I'm so sorry – for just knocking on your door like this. I'm – I'm sorry, I'll just leave you alone.'' Emma quickly said, berating herself and started to turn around.

Will quickly put his hand on hers and turned her around. He was about to say something when he noticed how freezing cold her hands were which made him rethink what he was going to say.

''Emma, you're freezing! Come in, if only to warm up a little.''

She nodded and walked into the house, which seemed so unfamiliar and familiar at the same time. She glanced around and was surprised that nothing had changed since her last visit there. The picture of Emma with the Glee Club after they were handed their trophy at Sectionals last year was even still stuck on the left corner of the mirror.

''Do you want some tea?'' Will finally asked to break the silence.

Emma nodded again and let out a small ''Thanks'' and quickly took off her Mary Jane's – she wouldn't want anyone wearing dirty shoes in her house either and the fact it would relieve some of the pain in her feet was appealing as well.

She headed to the kitchen to find Will and thanked him again as he placed a cup of tea on the kitchen counter in front of her.

''I- I wanted to call you but the battery of my phone died. I was happy in some way because I was scared that you wouldn't pick up once you'd see the caller ID. S- so, I just decided to come a 'knocking on your door but it wasn't until you opened that I realized you might as well shut the door in my face.''

''What would make you think I'd do that?''

''I- Well, just because.''

Will smiled and shook his head. He didn't know what it was but he just couldn't be mad at Emma, even though she probably thought he was.

''Okay, so –let's just skip this part and tell me why you're really here.''

Emma looked into Will's eyes, debating on whether or not to tell him what had gone down with Carl. She wanted to tell him so badly but she needed time to think. She didn't want to insinuate anything, all she wanted was to apologize for her behavior and start over with them being best friends. She could never tell him enough how sorry she was for being so cruel to him. She looked down at her cup of tea as she started to talk, trying to find a way of telling him the truth without actually telling the truth.

''Well, I – I was meeting with an old friend from High School, she called me this morning to say she was going to be in Lima for the night and asked if I wanted to meet up with her.''

''Aha, so that's why you're all dressed up.''

Emma nodded before continuing.

''So, we met at that Italian restaurant a few blocks away from here and ended up at the Hampton Inn where she's staying.''

She glanced over at Will, noticing the confused look on his face and what all this would have to do with her ending up on his doorstep.

''We had a fight. We were sitting at the hotel's bar and we went up to her room to talk some more. Then after about an hour she wanted us to go out to some club which was supposed to be ''packed'' all the time and I told her that I couldn't do it. I – with the germs and people all pushed on each other it just made me go like 'eww' you know?''

Will nodded.

''So, she got mad at you because you didn't want to go out to the club with you. First of all, what kind of friend is she anyway and how does that match up with you being here?''

'' Like I said – she's an old friend and she probably thought I'd be over my OCD and mysophobia by now. Well, after dinner we drove to the Hampton Inn with her car so when that fight occured I went down to call a cab. I hadn't noticed that all the while we were at the bar there had been a snow storm and so the central told me there were no cabs driving anymore.''

She took a sip of her tea and the hot liquid flowing through her body made her warm up a little finally.

''So, I walked all the way from the Hampton Inn to my car.''

''W- Wait, you walked all the way from the Hampton Inn to West Grand Avenue? No wonder that you're freezing.''

''Yes and then I walked from my car to here.''

''Why?''

''Well, this is why I wanted to call you – my car's battery died too.''

Will let out a chuckle, he was clearly a little amused by the eventful evening Emma had. Emma's wide stare made him stop chuckling and he cleared his throat.

''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh at you – it's just, first your cell phone and now your car's battery.''

''It was kinda the other way around.''

''Nevertheless, you practically froze yourself to death walking that distance in this weather.''

Now Emma was the one who let out a chuckle. _I've missed this. God, I didn't even realize it until now._

''So, I was, wondering, if maybe you could drive me home, please?''

''I will, just give me a minute to put on something warmer. Do you want a hoodie of mine to borrow? I don't want you getting sick.''

Emma nodded and finished up her tea. When Will returned from his bedroom he handed her one of his William McKinley hoodies and she put it on, then quickly putting on her shoes and followed him through the front door on their way out. Will locked the door and went down the stairs and remained silent until they were in the car.

''Although this car is mostly a piece of garbage, I'm still happy I got it back after my impulsive act of buying a Corvette.''

''Uhuh, I – I always kinda really liked this car.''

''Me too.''

''So, er- where do you live now? I mean, what's your and Carl's address?''

''Just, just set me off at my own apartment – it's quicker for you as well.''

Will turned on the engine and then put the radio on, singing along to some songs on the radio. _I've missed his singing as well._ Emma hummed to the songs he was singing along to and they shared an occasional smile while driving to her house.

When Will parked the car in front of Emma's apartment Emma stayed seated for a few minutes, looking out of the window to see her old ''home sweet home'' which she hadn't gone to for the past weeks. Luckily, she had hired a reliable cleaning lady which came to dust and clean the house every 3 days because Emma couldn't face coming into her house someday with everything being dirty.

She turned to face Will and smiled at him, the most genuine smile she had given to anyone in months, probably.

''Thank you, Will.''

''You're welcome, Em.''

''No, I mean like – really, thank you.'' She placed her hand on his and gently squeezed it.

Will tensed a little when she unexpectedly squeezed his hand and uttered ''Again, you're welcome, Em.''

Emma opened the door and was about to get out of the car when Will's voice stopped her.

''Say, Em, why didn't you call Carl when you got stuck at the Hampton Inn?''

_I was wondering when he was going to ask that question. _Emma turned to face Will once again and looked into his eyes, then tried to focus on something different, like the dashboard. _Gosh, I hate lying to him. I hate lying in the first place but lying to Will is just torture. _

''Carl? Ehm- Carl is at some dentist conference in Florida, so I don't think he was going to be able to help me from all over there.'' _I'm happy Carl left me that voicemail, he came up with a great excuse for me to tell Will, although it's the truth in some way._

''Okay, well, I'm glad you came to me. If there's anything, you can call me. That is, if your phone's not dead.'' He joked as he patted the steering wheel.

Emma let out a smile and nodded, putting her hand once more on the handle to open the car's door. _How does he do that? How is it possible that he helps me out when I need it and he stays nice to me even after I broke his heart? How can I ever make it up to him? He deserves the best and nothing but the best._

''Thank you, once again. I really appreciate it and I'm so so sorry. For _everything_.''

Will looked once again confused but didn't want to keep her from going home and get some sleep, he thought she must be exhausted from walking that much in the freezing cold. So, instead of asking what the ''_for everything''_ stood for he nodded and smiled.

''Goodnight, Emma.''

''Goodnight, Will.''

Will watched as Emma stepped out of the car and headed to the main entrance of her building. He was about to start the engine again when he noticed her turning around suddenly and opening the car's door again.

''Say, Will, would you like to come over here tomorrow after school?''

''I-I'd- What about Carl? I mean, after everything I don't think he would approve.''

Emma bit down on her lip and honestly, she just wanted to tell the truth about what had happened tonight right away but she knew that now was not the time. Neither for her nor him. She needed time to think about how she was going to apologize for everything that had happened and how she was going to tell him that all she said tonight had been the truth, just not in the way she had put it.

''Like I said, Carl's in Florida and it's just… I need to tell you something and it's been a while since we talked. I mean, talked like friends.''

''Okay, sure. I'm leaving school early tomorrow, I'll be here at 5.30?''

''That sounds okay.''

''I know it may sound weird but Emma, I meant what I said earlier. If you need a friend, call me.''

''I know you meant it, Will. See you tomorrow.'' Emma finally said as she closed the door and walked towards the main entrance. Once in her apartment she switched on the light and immediately ran to the window, not even minding taking off her shoes and quickly glanced through it to see Will finally start the engine and drive away.

As she saw his car turn around the corner she sighed and had a quote pop up into her head which she had read once and completely forgotten about;

_A faithful friend is a strong defense: and he that hath found such one hath found a treasure._

She had only one of those, Will – and tonight she vowed to herself that she was going to return the favor, starting tomorrow.


End file.
